Archive for the Category »Fun «
Bride and bridegroom’s SQL queries-
Wedding Query in SQL Style -
HUSBAND’S QUERY-
CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage (
BrideGroom Male (25) ,
Bride Female(20) )
AS
BEGIN
SELECT Bride FROM india_ Brides
WHERE FatherInLaw = ‘Millionaire’
AND Count(Car) > 20 AND HouseStatus =’ThreeStoreyed’
AND BrideEduStatus IN (B.TECH ,BE ,Degree ,MCA ,MiBA) AND Having Brothers= Null
AND Sisters =Null
SELECT Gold ,Cash ,Car ,BankBalance
FROM FatherInLaw
UPDATE MyBankAccout
SETMyBal = MyBal + FatherInLawBal
UPDATEMyLocker
SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherInLawGold
INSERT INTOMyCarShed VALUES(’BMW’)
END
GO
Then the wife writes the below query:
DROP HUSBAND;
Commit;
“`*“`arun
…
Hard drive weight increasing
Something funny, just check it out 
Click the image to enlarge-
“`*“`arun
…
English to tamil java program translation-
public class Project
{
public static void main(String args[])
{
int a;
string b;
if(a==0)
{
b = “Zero”;
}
else
{
b = “Non-Zero”;
}
return;
}
}
Translated to Tamil-
பொது வகுப்பு கூடிகும்மிஅடிப்பு
{
பொது நிரந்திர ஒன்னும்மில்லா முக்கிய (கம்பி வாக்குவாதங்கள் [])
{
எங்கள் அ;
கம்பி அ;
ஒருவேளை (அ == 0)
{
அ= “பூஞ்சியம்”;
}
இல்லன்னா
{
அ= “பூஞ்சியம் இல்லை”;
}
போடா டேய்;
}
}
…class Indian_Bachelor_female_professional
{
double styles;
short skirts;
long time_to_understand_problems;
float mind;
void knowledge();
char non_co_operative;
};
class Married_female_Software_Professional
{
double weight;
short tempered;
long gossips;
float hopes;
void work();
char unstable;
};
class Female_Engaged_software_professional
{
double time_on_phone;
short attention_on_work;
long boast;
float on_cloud_nine;
void understanding();
char edgy;
};
class Indian_Newly_Married_software_professional
{
double dinner_invitations;
short time_at_work;
long lunch_breaks;
float talks;
void bank_balance();
char hen_pecked;
};
class Indian_husband_wife_software_professional
{
double income;
short temper;
long time_no_see;
float new_software_company;
void lov
};
Class Guy_who_wrote_this
{
Long time_on_bench;
Void work();
}
…There are two basic types of Yoga-
It takes years of practice to do this asana-
Look at this picture. It takes only 8 pegs of whiskey to do the above asana. This guy did it with no trouble-
…Do not dare laugh!!!
In U.S. they invented a machine that catches thieves they took it out to different countries for a test.
In U.S.A, in 30 minutes, it caught 20 thieves
In UK, in 30 minutes it caught 50 thieves
Spain, in 30 minutes it caught 65 thieves
Ghana, in 30 minutes it caught 600 thieves
India, in 15 minutes the machine was stolen.
I thought I told you not to laugh!!!
…
A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, “I’ll have a C monkey please.”
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, that’ll be $5000.” The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.
Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, “That was a very expensive monkey. Why did it cost so much?”
The shopkeeper answered, “Ah, that monkey can program in C very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money.”
The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. “That one’s even more expensive! $10,000!What does it do?”
“Oh, that one’s a C++ monkey; it can manage object- oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff,” said the shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, “That one costs more than all the other put together! What on earth does it do?”
The shopkeeper replied, “Well, I haven’t actually seen it doing anything, but the other monkeys call him the project manager .”
Not too long ago, the CTO at Dudley H.’s company had a startling revelation: there should never, ever be a need for technical support. If a client has an issue using one of their products, then the problem is most certainly in the product. Maybe the UI is a little confusing. Maybe it’s not documented enough. Maybe the documentation isn’t clear enough. Whatever the case, every client issue means that someone — be it the developer, tester, or helpdesk technician — didn’t do their job properly and should strive to improve themselves.
Of course, the counterargument to the CTO’s revelation, lobbied primarily by the helpdesk staff, was that many users are simply lazy, stupid, or lazy and stupid, and no amount of improvement could ever change that. Not that it mattered, though. The CTO was determined and set a new policy that all client issues were to have “problem/improvement” reports written about them, and that all reports were to be reviewed at the higest level. Being the loyal employees that they were, Dudley and his fellow helpdesk technicians began developing these reports.
————————————————-
ISSUE #88274
————————————————-
Client Issue:
“Has ANY person in your company ever Looked at or tryed to READ any maniual man u all something like thet that it’s funney even after 7 years I still LAUGH any way some people like Ta know I mean Ya know!”
Problem Point:
We failed to provide the client with a version of their manual in garbled,
unpunctuated non-english.
Improvement Goal:
Many companies miss the garbled, unpunctuated non-english market segment completely, and we should not be one of them. It’s important to remember that for every client that understands “Click the ’submit’ button to save your changes”, there’s another that only understands “klik tHe summit butt on two SAVE yer changez ya know ya know”.
————————————————-
ISSUE #88279
————————————————-
Client Issue:
“I understand the issues are on our end, but at least try to make me laugh
while I am venting! THAT’S CUSTOMER SERVICE!!!”
Problem Point:
Our technician was not entertaining enough while the client complained about a matter unrelated to the company.
Improvement Goal:
Instead of being professional and courteous, the technician should have known that the client was upset before taking the call so that he could have answered the phone in a funny squeaky voice and punctuated the conversation with circus sound effects.
————————————————-
ISSUE #88304
————————————————-
Client Issue:
“I STILL have a problem with my Hotmail account. At the very least, tell them to e-mail me like they care and tell them to fix it. Maybee TECH SUPPORT lost it? mabee they need a coster or something to wipe there as**^^%? did I say that NA no way must have been a finger Slip? i get that a lot!”
Problem Point:
Our technician was unable to solve a problem with a product produced by a
different company, specifically Hotmail by Microsoft.
Improvement Goal:
Even though our technicians are not employees of Microsoft, they should have had the foresight to work for them for several years to become an expert on their products before gaining employment with our current company. Our technicians are cutting corners, and that’s just sad.
————————————————-
ISSUE #88311
————————————————-
Client Issue:
“I read on a website that your softweare had a security breach. (Provides a link to that website.) Whan are you planning on fixing this security breach, as I refuse to use your software until this is fixed.”
Problem Point:
The technician assumed the client would read the next sentence in the website’s article, which mentioned that the security breach in question was fixed less than two days after it was discovered… three years ago.
Improvement Goal:
Begin every email, support ticket and phone conversation with by shouting
“WELCOME TO (COMPANY), WHERE WE FIXED A MINOR SECURITY ISSUE SEVERAL YEARS AGO!”
————————————————-
ISSUE #88318
————————————————-
Client Issue:
“your getting than you used to be”
(That’s the entirety of the message from the client.)
Problem Point:
While it is unclear whether or not this is actually a complaint, what is clear is that the technician’s “getting” is in some way different than the technician himself was at some point in the past.
Improvement Goal:
Each technician should take better care of his “getting”, to ensure that it stops differing from how the technician used to be. That way, the technician will potentially be praised by the client with the commendation that, “your getting is now exactly the same as you are now”. And those are the type of praises that result in raises.
————————————————-
ISSUE #88334
————————————————-
Client Issue:
“You’re wrong, check with Bob Williams. I spoke with him last week, and his
answer contradicted what you’re telling me now.”
Problem Point:
Even though Bob Williams hasn’t worked for our company for two and a half
years, the technician should have the names, addresses and phone numbers
of all past employees committed to memory. This would allow the technician to contact Bob while the client holds. However, if Bob no longer works at the company because he is dead, then the technician will need to call upon his powers of transcending the mortal fabric of existence — which should have been covered during his first week of training — to contact Bob in an alternate dimension.
Improvement Goal:
Transport backwards in time and confront Bob regarding the contradicting
misinformation he has apparently been spreading to clients. Then pinch him
unmercifully.
Shortly after reviewing the first batch of reports, the CTO had another revelation: many users are simply lazy, stupid, or lazy and stupid, and no amount of improvement could ever change that.
Source – http://thedailywtf.com/Articles/Support-Should-Never-Be-Necessary.aspx
Recent Comments